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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28349931">Ten Fears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/locrianrose/pseuds/locrianrose'>locrianrose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Hawke Left in the Fade (Dragon Age), Red Lyrium Fenris, The Fade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:47:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28349931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/locrianrose/pseuds/locrianrose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten fears of Marian Hawke and how she managed to slip past them with unexpected help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fenris/Female Hawke, Fenris/Hawke (Dragon Age), Zevran Arainai/Female Tabris, Zevran Arainai/Female Warden, Zevran Arainai/Isabela, Zevran Arainai/Isabela/Female Warden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ten Fears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hawke clutched her stave in her hands, gazing forward at the blighted red that had spread through the previously white tattoos. She could see the pained expression in Fenris’s eyes as he looked to her as she stepped closer, unlocking the cell door with the key she’d found on one of the fallen templars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was a perversion that she’d feared since she’d first heard word of red templars. This fear of corruption had been part of the reason that she’d lied to Fenris when leaving to respond to Varic’s letter, and now, as she’d finally tracked him down, she saw what he had become in her absence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had found corpses of red templars littered around the small cabin that they’d called home before she’d gone to help the inquisition, rotting heaps of flesh and corrupted lyrium. When she’d seen that, she’d continued to search, desperately trying to find Fenris and hoping against hope that he had managed to avoid the gnawing corruption of the red lyrium. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d both seen what it had done in Kirkwall, and this—this was something that Hawke wanted to deny, to pretend that what she was seeing after finding him now—after so long—wasn’t real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced out her name, the word unnaturally bitter on his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fenris—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to protect you.” Hawke stated. “Fenris—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, you must leave me. “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Hawke said, looking desperately to Fenris, taking a determined step towards him. “Fenris, I’ve only just found you, and I—we— will find a way to fix this. We’ll go to Varric, he’ll be able to find a way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, I need you to listen.” Fenris forced the words out. “I don’t know how long I have—” He froze, shuddering. “Hawke, you must leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fenris, I won’t leave you again.” Hawke insisted. “There aren’t any templars outside— I made sure of that. We can run, now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, please.” Fenris said, looking to her desperately. “As I am, I cannot be with you. You saw Meridith and what she became.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re stronger than her.” Hawke stated, stepping forwards to place a determined hand on his. “We’ll write Varric, and he’ll help us find a way to fix this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, you cannot fix everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Watch me.” She stated. When he didn’t pull away, she took his hand, pulling him away and out of the cell and towards the door. She’d risked so much to find him, and now— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care. You’re still you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, look at me.” Fenris reached towards her, and she saw the red flicker in his pupils an instant before his free hand snapped to her ribcage. His hand phased through her flesh, lyrium shards breaking off as he forced his way to her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will be afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fenris’ voice was not his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke’s world shifted, spun, and faded into green again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, dance with me.” Isabela grinned at her, tugging her hand. “If you’re as drunk as I think you are, now is the best time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke let Isabella pull her out onto the streets outside of the Hanged Man, the music spilling out as Isabela took her out into the streets, leaning her head on Hawke’s shoulder as she swayed. Hawke had been alone in her house for too long, her mother gone, Carver off with the Wardens and Bethany long dead. There had been a hope of something with Fenris, but she cared for him too much to force him to stay when he couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabela had been a welcome distraction, and Hawke didn’t doubt that she’d been just as much of a distraction for the other woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Hawke, I think you should stay tonight.” Isabela said. “I want you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t argue with that.” Hawke said with a chuckle.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was… something she needed to remember, but Hawke couldn’t think of whatever it might be. There was some detail that she’d forgotten, something that she had to think of— but what was it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My eyes are up here, Hawke.” Isabela said, tracing a hand across Hawke’s cheek, tilting Hawke’s face back to look up at her. “Do you remember what happened here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say that I do.” Hawke said. “Remind me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is where I died, Hawke.” Isabela stepped back, pulling away from Hawke. “You promised me that you’d protect me from the Qunari, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world shuddered around Hawke, reforming into something else. Something was burning nearby, and the sky had an unnatural glow. Isabela stared at her still, neck bloody and askew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What did she need to remember? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, I need you to listen to me.” Hawke glanced over as she heard another voice. Anders nodded to her, staff held firmly in his hand. “This isn’t how it happened. You saved her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, that’s not allowed.” Isabella purred, approaching Hawke. “You know the rules. You can’t interrupt this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To think, Hawke, you’re just like me now.”’ Merrill said crisply. “Think what we’ll all get done now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke followed Merrill as she moved to the top of the hill, approaching the altar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fear is a powerful ally.” Merrill continued.  “I still think I found the better deal, but I’m just glad that we can talk about this. It took you so long to find your place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merrill raised a dagger Hawke hadn’t spotted before, and as Hawke looked to the altar, she saw an unexpected figure tied down on the stone platform. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two beautiful ladies here, with me tied down? I can’t imagine what Kallian will think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, you shouldn’t be talking here.” Merrill said. “Hawke, we’ll need to do this quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zevran.” Hawke spoke, finding her words. “What are you doing here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it looks like I’m about to be part of an intimate blood magic ritual. I can’t say that it’s my first time with such beautiful women casting such a thing on me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop talking.” Merrill spoke again, and her voice sounded— wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I’d like to see how this goes, I think it’s time we stop this.” Zevran said, sitting up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aveline, I need you to wake up.” Hawke said, desperately crouching beside her in the muck of the sewers. “You’ve made it this far—you came with me this far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no response, and Hawke searched for her staff, hopelessly searching for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can heal you, I can—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my turn now then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke turned and stared at the unfamiliar elven woman who’d appeared, standing a few feet away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re waiting for you to come back to us. I’m sorry we had to meet this way, but I need you to know that this isn’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, you were a damned fool to let this go on for so long.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke pulled herself up onto her knees, coughing, but another arrow slammed into her chest, sending her back down to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were the only one keeping them safe, and now—” Sebastian’s voice broke for a fraction of a second. “—And now you’re going to die, and I will raze this city for what you let him do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I’m right here.” Ander’s voice was tired, and when Hawke looked at him, he looked different, tired and older. “And I’m me now, so that means that she’s afraid of this happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll kill you both.” Sebastian snarled </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then do it.” Anders said. “Let it happen. Hawke, you should not fear for my sake. Fear will only strengthen what’s left of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to stop—” Sebastian spun, firing an arrow at Anders and—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you done?” Hawke burst through the doors to the great hall, throwing them open as she charged in, looking at the figure lying in rest, prepared for burial. “This is your goddamn fault.” She rounded on Cassandra. “If you hadn’t dragged him along, then—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you hadn’t left him behind.” Cassandra responded coldly. “Then he wouldn’t have felt the need to fix what you freed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is your fault, Hawke.” Inquisitor Adaar spoke, towering above the corpse. “You are the reason Varric died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s very true.” The unfamiliar elf was present again. “Don’t worry, Hawke. We’ll get this right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about this, sister.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The brand inched forward, glowing an unearthly blue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what fucking happened. I won’t let you make her think it did.” Anders spat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ogre slammed it’s club into Bethany, and she crumpled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this did happen. I’m sorry, Hawke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>— </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Hawke stared at the beam in the sky, then turned back to Anders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s this, Hawke. I’m sorry. We’ve nearly got it done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke slammed her staff down to the ground, conjuring the fire to blast back her attacker. The fireball slammed into them and she saw the blurry figure stagger, but still they lunged forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Give in to your fear.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She needed to reach deeper, fight harder. Hawke spun ice out in front of her, blocking their approach as she danced back, stumbling on something under her feet. Hawke glanced down, staggering to a stop as she saw the corpse beneath her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isabela?” She muttered, but then, the sword came again from her last enemy, slashing at her side as she spun a shield, pushed back yet again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke!” They called to her. “Give up, Hawke!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was running low on mana, and she swallowed her last lyrium potion quickly, then cast another fireball out, this time striking her attacker down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I know that you are afraid.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke strode over to the weakly struggling figure, preparing to slam the blade of her staff down and finish them off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something cleared in her mind, and as she saw their face more fully, Hawke dropped her staff, staggering back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fenris?” She asked. “No, no, this can’t be right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Give in.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke—” He gagged. “Why would you—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those burns had been—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke looked back to Isabela, lying cold, and she saw the telltale marks of her own magic on the other woman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fenris?” Hawke staggered. “What did I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You have failed. They will all die because of you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You— monster—” Fenris choked out his words. “What has magic touched that—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke ran. She couldn’t hear those words again, not from him. She fled, sprinting away, staff forgotten until she couldn’t run, tumbling to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>This is your legacy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hawke, I need you to listen to me. I need you to focus on what is real.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Those who would save you will die as well.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Does she hear us?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t know. I can’t tell.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke felt a hand on her forehead, cold and clammy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her eyes to see a face that had once been familiar, now changed to a point of near unfamiliarity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders looked far too old for his age, the light of Justice still shining dimly in his eyes. Hawke tried to lift her arm to reach for him, but the effort that it took to move it took more of her than she had.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems to be awake now. I think that this may be our best chance to attempt to leave.” That was Zevran. “I am not entirely comfortable here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Fade isn’t a comfortable place.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the unfamiliar elf. Hawke strained her eyes, attempting to look to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke, can you hear us?” Anders asked again. “I need you to respond.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sure this is actually her?” The elf asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kallian, I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tabris.” Hawke choked out the name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Kallian Tabris, hero of Ferelden replied. “Anders, she’s awake and aware. We need to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll start then.” Anders nodded. “Remember what I said. We’ve only seen this once before, and it will be hard to recreate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anders, I don’t want to leave you behind if I don’t have to.” Tabris said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We would find it a fitting end, fulfilling a debt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tabris inclined her head. “Zevran, help me get her up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it dead?” Hawke rasped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The demon? I doubt it.” Tabris said as she and Zevran began to pull Hawke up, each draping one of Hawke’s arms over a shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps weakened.” Zevran added. “That seems like it would be nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did do some damage.” Anders said, swallowing a lyrium potion. “And our ally did more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get someone to heal you once you’re out.” Tabris said with a glance at Anders. “We need to be sure you’re you before we risk that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawke does seem to still be herself.” Zevran stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we were first brought back, Justice came with us as well. We’d prefer to make sure no one tags along with you, Hawke.” Anders said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough.” Zevran said, patting Hawke on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke watched blearily as Anders extracted an orb from his pocket, carefully tracing his fingers over the surface. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t like trusting him, Kallian.”  Anders said. “You know what he did, and what he is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is our only option.” Tabris replied. “You’re the one who came to me for help. No one else knows how to do this that I’ve found. If trusting the Architect is what it takes, it’s what I’ll do.” The ground beneath them rumbled. “I think it’s stirring. We ought to leave now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll do it.” Anders nodded, and Tabris and Zevran pulled Hawke forward as the orb in Anders' hands flared, the light casting stark shadows in the shadowy green of the fade. “Hawke, we’re sorry that you were hurt. You only wanted to help.” Anders— or was this purely Justice?— nodded to Tabris. “Take her through.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zevran stepped towards the light, pulling Hawke forward, Tabris lifting her other side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserved better, my friends.” Tabris nodded to what had been Anders. “I’ll do what I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is all we would ask of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Zevran reached the light, and the world brightened, lifting Hawke into oblivion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, will I be delivering Leliana’s letter in person? I feel she might enjoy the visit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We don’t have time for that. I need you here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well. I will send it with who I can find. I heard a rumor that Isabela’s been nearby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tabris sighed. “When this is all over, we’ll visit her again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll send her your regards.” Zevran replied. “All of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tabris smiled despite her exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know me perfectly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suspect she’ll visit herself to see if this is true. Perhaps then we’ll find time to talk together again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’ll want to speak with Hawke first.” Tabris said, looking over Velanna’s handiwork. She’d grown better at healing with time, and Sigrun had given Velanna more reason to care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll have to see how much of her time we can take.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tabris nodded to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When this is all done.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The calling was still there, even as Zevran exited the room, but for the sake of the future, Tabris would press on. There were still things to do, and soon, Alistair would need to be contacted if all went well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One last favor for Justice and Anders had been worth completing. The Architect was always willing to negotiate for favors, and this had been a challenge he’d been wanting to solve ever since the Mother had known how to break the barriers of the fade so many years before, and one more promise from Tabris had been enough to convince him to agree to lend her what he’d learned so far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, they would all have their silence. Anders and Justice had found it in their own way, but Tabris refused to stop fighting till the very end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched as Hawke shifted, settling in to wait for news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zevran passed the letter to Isabela with a smile, watching as she broke it open and scanned it, clapping an arm on her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you that it was good news. You’ll pass that along, I trust?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. If you accompany me to my cabin, I’ll let you tell me the rest while I write.” Isabela said with a wink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mind if I do!” Zevran said with a smile. “Kallian said to send you her regards, and she would never forgive me if I didn’t stay the night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maker’s balls, you’re kidding me.” The letter crumpled in his hand as he sniffed, wiping his eyes. “Herah! Cassandra! I’ve got news for both of you you’re going to like!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you mean to tell me what she’s alive?” Merrill shifted curiously. “But how?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand it.” Aveline replied. “But Bella wouldn’t lie about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carver examined the letter carefully, looking suspiciously at the messenger. “This is from Isabela? I don’t think she’d ever send me a letter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fenris hesitated, then opened the door as Isabela nudged him forward, freezing as he stared into the small room at the figure laying on the top of the bed, above the blankets. He didn’t trust many of her current brigade of Gray Warden allies after all that had happened, but that was her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke looked painfully unwell, but she was here, physically present in the realm of the living, and as Fenris stepped forward, her eyes opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fenris?” Hawke whispered, slowly sitting up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am yours.” He replied, and as he saw her struggle to stand, he ran to her, tightly wrapping her in his arms. “I am here, Hawke. I am here.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've had this in my drafts for far too long, adding and removing bits, and finally decided to sit down and finish it so it could be out of the way. I spent way too much time planning and figuring out the world state. </p><p>I just think about Awakening a lot and the fact that we did physically enter the fade during all that (if I'm not mistaken) which I feel is kinda a big deal. Awakening lore is so interesting, and I feel like a lot of it just kinda got skimmed over and forgotten.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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